These days, I find myself digging for reports from NFL "O.T.A's". Which rookies are looking good? How are last years injured stars recovering? Which free agent acquisitions seem to be panning out?
"ARE YOU SERIOUS?", my girlfriend says to me. "It's like watching paint dry!". No honey, that's what the rest of the sports viewing landscape is like right now.
Let's break it down shall we...
Major League Baseball...
I don't know about the rest of you, but the novelty of inter league play wore off with me about 8 hours after it started. Texas V. Houston, Baltimore V. Washington...RIVETING...put down the remote, I could watch this for hours!!!
The All Star game is a joke, and so is the fact that home field advantage in the world series is given to the winner. I always feel bad for the National League team who has to play game seven in the American League park because some yahoo from a cellar dweller struck out in the ninth inning with the bases loaded at the "Some Star Game". That and the DH will be topics for future articles!
Baseball won't be meaningful until mid August...so don't try to sell it to me in any other form until then!
The WNBA (Women No Basketball Allowed). Unbelievable! Any other business with the same characteristics would have folded 18 times by now. Why does David Stern continue to keep this league alive? Does he plan to lean on the "Lesbian vote" as he runs for President in 2012?
I can just picture the business plan meetings. "OK, we'll field 14 teams, comprised of the best former Division I women's players in the country. It will be a fundamentally sound brand of basketball, but not real big on highlights or excitement. We'll name the franchises something closely related to the NBA team that plays in the same city. They'll play a 36 game schedule with minimal television coverage in front of empty arenas. The league will hemorrhage cash at an alarming rate due to a lack of merchandising revenue and the high cost of travel and venue operations."
"Before we move forward does anyone have any concerns?"...Insert bad business decision joke here!
One more thing before I get off the carpet munching association...please don't try to justify your existence every time one of your players dunks a ball!!! For God sakes...they're 6'8"-6'9" amazons, I'd be more shocked if they couldn't dunk the ball! And just because you scrape one over the rim doesn't mean that you're ready to show up Kobe or Lebron just yet! When one of your "High Flyer's" can jump over something a little taller than a midget on his knees...come talk to me!
Actually...I think they're called "Little People"
European Soccer...OK here's where all my sensitivity goes right out the F*cking window. I don't know who's playing in this "Euro-trash 2008"...I don't know why it's so damn important. I thought it was the World Cup and then too bad for all the loser nations...wait for your turn in four more years. Get it Europe? Winner gets the glory, Losers go home and get better or get your @$$ kicked again! The NFL doesn't have a game after the Superbowl for the teams who weren't good enough to win. There's no "America's World Series" for the two teams that lost in the League Championship series'. Lastly, I might not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I don't have any freaking idea where some of these countries are! Turkey...umm, I think you're north of Italy and east of Spain...but that's about as close as it's going to get for me. With that said, how in the hell do you expect me to keep track of 11 players whose names consist of 12 consonants and 1 vowel (Sabrz Sarnzgluptmf) WTF? Seriously, they look like menu items at the Greek joint down the street from my house. Europe, a couple ideas for the next generation...Ben, Joe, Steve, Bill (I'm tryin to keep it one syllable for yall...nothin too crazy!).
Pictured above "Sabrz Sarnzgluptmf" after successfully kicking an opposing player in the balls.
All that to say "Euro 2008" is adding to the barren sports viewing landscape this summer!
All that to say "Euro 2008" is adding to the barren sports viewing landscape this summer!
What else do we have here...
Ah, NASCAR. It pains me to write this but it's true. NASCAR and their "Car of Tomorrow" (COT...which incidentally is what you need in order to make it through one of these race telecasts anymore) has taken a step back. Remember, the two main benefits of changing to this car? 1. Driver Safety and 2. More competitive racing (side by side, easier to pass the car in front of you without the dreaded "Aero push").
Well the good news is...no one has died in the COT. The bad news is, you still can't pass the car in front of you. Hell, you basically have to wreck a guy to get around him. All I hear in the garage these days is...I can't get the car to turn! At least with the old car only half the garage was saying that. Back to the drawing board NASCAR...your product is getting worse instead of better and come September...your sport will fade into obscurity at the hands of the NFL!
Hey honey...how fast was Darren McFadden's shuttle drill?
-Coop
1 comment:
Great job my man. I was going to write a similar piece, but you beat me to it. You did a better job at it than I would have done anyway.
Isn't NASCAR such a shame?
I went to Daytona over this past weekend, and my wife and I ate at a restaraunt directly across from the track. I showed her where we sat when we went to the Pepsi 400 years ago, back when I actually cared about the sport.
Again, great job!
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