Coop's back and unfortunately for Chad Johnson...I'm not here to pass out hugs!
Listen, no one loves "85" more than me. You can ask the guys in my fantasy league "The L.O.T. (League of Todd)", I have either drafted Chad or traded for him each of the last 3 years.
Why, you ask? Well, for starters...you can pencil him in for 90+ catches 1,400+ yards and between 8-10 TD's every year. I haven't done all the research, but I figure that probably puts him in the top five somewhere with guys like Harrison, Holt, T.O. and Steve Smith. Not bad company when you're talkin about a #1 fantasy wide receiver.
Secondly, I do enjoy the fun he brings to the "No Fun League" (NFL). You can't tell me you're not just a little curious about what "85's" gonna do the next time he crosses the goal line? The Irish Jig, the sign buried in the snow that read "Dear NFL, Please don't fine me for this." CLASSIC! Using the pylon as a putter and going "Tiger" on the football.
All that being said, Chad's antics off the field are wearing thin with me. This off season he's been engaging the media to try and strong arm a trade out of Cincinnati, saying that obviously the Bengals aren't committed to winning so they should give him the opportunity to go win somewhere else. I think Cincinnati's GM's still waiting for the phone to ring and it's been about 5 months now...and I don't think selling a pro bowl wide receiver is as hard as selling a house these days!
Umm Chad...I've got a couple things for you to ponder while you're waiting for that Super Bowl contender to come make you an offer.
1. CANCER! Teams THINK YOU ARE ONE. Why would a team with perfect chemistry bring in a self centered attention WHORE, who's gonna cry when they don't get 10 balls and a score every Sunday?
2. Maybe try actually CATCHING some more of those balls that come your way. I don't know, call me crazy but an elite receiver should actually hang onto the football after they get hit by a defender or the ground!
3. While you've got some time, maybe cancel a few of those "Trade me...or else" interviews, and curl up with your playbook for a couple hours. I need about two more sets of hands to count the number of times you ran the wrong route last year! AND NO, it wasn't Carson's fault...TJ "WHO's YOUR MAMA" always seemed to be where the ball was thrown! CHAMPIONSHIP!
Listen, no one loves "85" more than me. You can ask the guys in my fantasy league "The L.O.T. (League of Todd)", I have either drafted Chad or traded for him each of the last 3 years.
Why, you ask? Well, for starters...you can pencil him in for 90+ catches 1,400+ yards and between 8-10 TD's every year. I haven't done all the research, but I figure that probably puts him in the top five somewhere with guys like Harrison, Holt, T.O. and Steve Smith. Not bad company when you're talkin about a #1 fantasy wide receiver.
Secondly, I do enjoy the fun he brings to the "No Fun League" (NFL). You can't tell me you're not just a little curious about what "85's" gonna do the next time he crosses the goal line? The Irish Jig, the sign buried in the snow that read "Dear NFL, Please don't fine me for this." CLASSIC! Using the pylon as a putter and going "Tiger" on the football.
All that being said, Chad's antics off the field are wearing thin with me. This off season he's been engaging the media to try and strong arm a trade out of Cincinnati, saying that obviously the Bengals aren't committed to winning so they should give him the opportunity to go win somewhere else. I think Cincinnati's GM's still waiting for the phone to ring and it's been about 5 months now...and I don't think selling a pro bowl wide receiver is as hard as selling a house these days!
Umm Chad...I've got a couple things for you to ponder while you're waiting for that Super Bowl contender to come make you an offer.
1. CANCER! Teams THINK YOU ARE ONE. Why would a team with perfect chemistry bring in a self centered attention WHORE, who's gonna cry when they don't get 10 balls and a score every Sunday?
2. Maybe try actually CATCHING some more of those balls that come your way. I don't know, call me crazy but an elite receiver should actually hang onto the football after they get hit by a defender or the ground!
3. While you've got some time, maybe cancel a few of those "Trade me...or else" interviews, and curl up with your playbook for a couple hours. I need about two more sets of hands to count the number of times you ran the wrong route last year! AND NO, it wasn't Carson's fault...TJ "WHO's YOUR MAMA" always seemed to be where the ball was thrown! CHAMPIONSHIP!
4. Take that F*CKING FAKE @$$ GRILL out of your mouth. YOU AINT HARD!!! Every time I turn around, you're limpin off the field cryin for an I.V.!!!
5. Stop blaming the defense for losing ball games! Yes it would help if they'd stop: Smoking dope, Beating their girlfriends, Getting into fights at clubs, Buying Alcohol for teenage girls, Drinking and driving...but maybe if you: Caught more balls, Scored more TD's, Ran the right routes, Spent less time on the training table (during games), you'd stop being part of the problem and start being part of the solution!
6. Stop hating your coach. If you REALLY want to get back at Marvin Lewis...go out and catch 120 balls for 1,600 yards and 20 TD's...and at the end of the season when the Bengals are 6-10, walk into his office and say..."SCOREBOARD B*TCH!!!".
Who's gonna cover "85" in 2008? If you don't start being a better football player...I don't know...probably EVERYBODY!!!
What's next? Are we gonna see you race "Big Brown"? They can call it "OCHO HAS BEEN" VS. "BIG DISAPPOINTMENT"...THE CLASH OF THE UNDERACHIEVERS!
2 comments:
You're right, Coop. He used to be entertaining on and off the field, but now his act is getting a little tired. Just play some football!
So, does this mean you will be taking him in the first round at the fantasy draft this year?
I hope so!!!!
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