Braves get Scalped...

I know we're all about to put a bullet in our head if we hear the words "Trade Deadline" or "Brett Favre" one more time, but bear with me!

I have to talk about the PRISON RAPE the Angels dished out on the Atlanta Braves yesterday. First the details:

The Angels get Mark Teixeira (.283 BA, 20 HR's and 78 RBI) and in turn send the Braves Casey Kotchman (.287 BA 12 HR's and 54 RBI) and a Double A middle reliever named Steven Marek who coincidentally was drafted in the 40th round in 2004 (it doesn't exactly scream "upside" does it?).

How did that conversation go?

"Hey Braves...yeah...this is the Angels...we're prepared to give you NOTHING and in return we want your stud first baseman."

"Sounds good...where do we sign?"

How stupid do the Diamondbacks, Rays, Dodgers and everybody else in the Teixeira sweepstakes feel right now? You mean we could have given them a role player and a minor leaguer with no future for THE trade deadline acquisition of 2008...BAFFLING!!!

You might say...sure Coop...but he's only a rental.

If you want to look at it in those terms, it would be like me walking into a Ferrari dealership to pick out a "rental" for three months...and when the guy starts to talk financing, I just drive off the lot.

Compound that with the fact that Atlanta gave Texas their entire farm system one year ago in order to have Teixeira's services for what has amounted to 1 season...you have the proverbial salt in the proverbial wound:

The Braves parted with:

Jarrod Saltalamacchia - A former first round draft pick (36th overall) currently playing catcher for the Rangers.

Elvis Andrus - Touted as the #2 prospect in the Braves farm system behind Saltalamacchia, a 19 year old short stop, has speed on the base paths and potential gold glove talent in the field...and still has tons of upside.

Neftali Feliz - This right hander is going to be ranked the best pitching prospect in all of baseball going into 2009.

Left Handed Pitchers Matt Harrison (former third round draft pick currently playing AAA) and Beau Jones (first round pick in 2005) were also thrown into the deal.

So let's add it all up...

The Braves got...Casey Kotchman and some Double A middle reliever who will be asking me "Do I want fries with that" in a couple months.

The Braves lost...Mark Teixeira, a blue chip prospect at catcher, another blue chip prospect at short stop, another blue chip pitching prospect and two more high draft pick pitching prospects.

Somewhere Bobby Cox is beating his wife...HARD!

-Coop

F3W

Happy Friday!



courtesy of destroks


And, just for Coop, here is more Andrea Rincon (aka Selena Spice):



courtesy of DrSweary

And, I'll leave you with this:


courtesy of pinsetang


Derek

Burnin Up The Set (BUTS)

Thanks to Derek for picking me up this week. Unfortunately I didn't find any time to contribute. I promise several entries next week.

For now it's time to grab that remote and set your Tivo...here's what's hot and what's not on your set this weekend:

Friday , July 25

Basketball: Men's national teams, USA vs. Canada, at Las Vegas, ESPN, 8 p.m.

Hoops eh? Take Off...Hoser!!!

Boxing: Middleweights, Raymond Joval vs. James McGirt Jr., at Saratoga Springs, N.Y., ESPN2, 9 p.m.

Cycling: Tour de France, Stage 19, Roanne to Montiucon, Versus, 8:30 a.m.

Did they take a detour into Spain and no one told them? How long is this freakin race???

Golf: PGA European Tour, Inteco Russian Open Championship, second round, at Moscow, Golf Channel, 8 a.m.

Senior British Open Championship, second round, at Ayrshire, Scotland, TNT, noon.

Nationwide Tour, Children's Hospital Invitational, second round, at Columbus, Ohio, Golf Channel, 1 p.m.

PGA Tour, RBC Canadian Open, second round, at Oakville, Ontario, Golf Channel, 3 p.m.

LPGA, Evian Masters, second round, at Evian-les-Bains, France, Golf Channel, 6:30 p.m. (same-day tape)

Look at the Grace and Beauty of his swing!!! Brilliant!

Major League Baseball: Florida at Chicago Cubs, WGN, 2:10 p.m.

Motor sports: NASCAR Sprint Cup, Allstate 400 at The Brickyard, practice, at Indianapolis, ESPN2, 3:30 p.m.

NASCAR Craftsman Truck Series, Power Stroke Diesel 200, at Indianapolis, Speed, pole qualifying, 5 p.m. (same-day tape); race, 8 p.m. (live)

Tennis: ATP Tour, Rogers Cup, quarterfinals, at Toronto, ESPN2, 1 and 7 p.m.

Sony Ericsson WTA Tour, East West Bank Classic, quarterfinal, at Carson, Calif., ESPN2, 11 p.m.

Maria!

SATURDAY JULY 26

Beach volleyball: AVP Crocs Tour, Bud Light Long Beach Open, men's championship match, NBC, 4:30 p.m.

Cycling: Tour de France, Stage 20, Cerilly to St. Amand-Montrond, Versus, 8 a.m.

Golf: PGA European Tour, Inteco Russian Open Championship, third round, The Golf Channel, 8 a.m. (same-day tape).

LPGA, Evian Masters, third round, The Golf Channel, 1 p.m. (same-day tape).

Straight and True!...Well, maybe just True!

Senior British Open Championship, third round, ABC, 1:30 p.m. (same-day tape).

PGA Tour, RBC Canadian Open, third round, CBS, 3 p.m.

Nationwide Tour, Children's Hospital Invitational, third round, The Golf Channel, 6:30 p.m. (same-day tape)

Horse racing: Whitney Handicap, Go for Wand Handicap, Diana Handicap, and Alfred G. Vanderbilt Handicap, at Saratoga Springs, N.Y., ABC, 4 p.m.

Horses helping people!

Major League Baseball: Florida at Chicago Cubs, WGN, 1 p.m.

New York Yankees at Boston or Atlanta at Philadelphia, Fox, 3:30 p.m.

Motor sports: NASCAR Sprint Cup, Allstate 400 at The Brickyard, ESPN2, pole qualifying, 10 a.m.; practice, 2 p.m.

NASCAR Nationwide Series, Kroger 200, at Indianapolis, practice, ESPN2, 12:30 p.m. (same-day tape); pole qualifying, ESPN2, 4:30 p.m. (live); race, ESPN, 8 p.m. (live).

IRL IndyCar Series, Rexall Edmonton Indy, at Edmonton, ESPN, 5 p.m.

NHRA Powerade Drag Racing Series, Fram-Autolite Nationals, qualifying, at Sonoma, Calif., ESPN2, 6 p.m. (same-day tape).

Championship Off Road Racing, at Chula Vista, Calif., Speed Channel, 6 p.m.

Tennis: ATP Tour, Rogers Cup, semifinals, ESPN2, 8 p.m. and midnight (same-day tape).

Sony Ericsson WTA Tour, East West Bank Classic, semifinal, ESPN2, 10 p.m.

Ana!

SUNDAY JULY 27

Arena football: ArenaBowl XXII, San Jose vs. Philadelphia, at New Orleans, ABC, 3 p.m.

Beach volleyball: AVP Crocs Tour, Bud Light Long Beach Open, women's championship match, NBC, 4:30 p.m.

Long Beach Open?

Blunts, Boobs and Butts...does it get any better?

Cycling: Tour de France, final stage, Etampes to Paris, Versus, 7:30 a.m. (live); CBS, 1 p.m. (same-day tape)

Balls, Bikes and BOREDOM!!!

Golf: PGA European Tour, Inteco Russian Open Championship, final round, The Golf Channel, 8 a.m. (same-day tape).

Senior British Open Championship, final round, ABC, 1 p.m. (same-day tape).

LPGA, Evian Masters, final round, The Golf Channel, 1 p.m. (same-day tape).

Just look at that shot!

PGA Tour, RBC Canadian Open, final round, CBS, 3 p.m.

Nationwide Tour, Children's Hospital Invitational, final round, The Golf Channel, 6:30 p.m. (same-day tape)

Major League Baseball: Chicago White Sox at Detroit, WGN, 1 p.m.

Hall of Fame induction ceremony, at Cooperstown, N.Y., ESPN Classic, 1:30 p.m.

Florida at Chicago Cubs, TBS, 2 p.m.

New York Yankees at Boston, ESPN, 8 p.m.

Motor sports: NASCAR Sprint Cup, Allstate 400 at The Brickyard, ESPN, 2 p.m.

Championship Off Road Racing, NBC, 3 p.m.

NHRA Powerade Drag Racing Series, Fram-Autolite Nationals, final eliminations, ESPN2, 7 p.m. (same-day tape)

Tennis: ATP Tour, Rogers Cup, championship match, ESPN2, 3 p.m. World Team Tennis, championship match, at Roseville, Calif., Versus, 4 p.m.

Sony Ericsson WTA Tour, East West Bank Classic, championship match, ESPN2, 5 p.m.

"Do you wanna get together and scissor later?"

-Coop

Oscar Diaz Still in Coma

Last Wednesday night, I was watching boxing on ESPN. The feature bout was between Oscar Diaz and Delvin Rodriguez.
The fight didn't seem too brutal. In fact, earlier in the fight, Diaz stunned Rodriguez with a hard shot, and I thought the fight would be over soon with a TKO going to Diaz.
Rodriguez showed great heart and poise, and managed to not only recover, but started to win the fight as the rounds went by.
Usually, ESPN would go to a commercial break in between rounds, but between rounds 10 and 11, they stayed on air. The camera went to Diaz's corner only to show Diaz appearing as if he had just been knocked out. He stumbled around holding on to the ropes to gain his balance. The referee, noticing this, came over to the corner and immediately stopped the fight.
The trainers for Diaz helped him to his stool where he immediately collapsed again to the ropes. This time, the doctors had jumped in the ring and layed Diaz on the canvas.
Diaz was out cold.
It was, by far, one of the scariest things I've seen watching boxing, and I've seen a lot.
Diaz was hooked up to oxygen and a stretcher and rushed to a local hospital where part of his skull was removed to allow room for his swollen brain.
Diaz remains in a coma to this day in critical, but stable condition.
As of last night, one of his lungs collapsed, however doctor's quickly inflated it and listed his chances at recovery as "very promising".
Needless to say, Diaz's boxing career is over.
Now, it will only be time that decides if he wins the greatest fight of all....the fight for his life.

Derek

F3W

Not too many words today.
Just hot women.



courtesy of fascinationvideo



courtesy of puuuure


courtesy of PbFoot


courtesy of spaj91

And finally, another look at Andrea Rincon!

courtesy of SouthAmericGirlsRule

Have a great weekend!
Derek

Burnin Up The Set...(BUTS)

Sorry I didn't come through for our legions of couch potatoes last week...But F3W was so good, I had to let it headline for the entire weekend! Sorry about the QUIEF in the picture above...that's not me!

Back at it

FRIDAY, JULY 18

Boxing: Middleweights, Yuriorkis Gamboa vs. Jose Rojas, Primm, Nev., 9 p.m., ESPN2

Cycling: Tour de France, stage 13, Narbonne to Nimes, 8:30 a.m., Versus

GO TO WORK!!! I guarantee it will be more exciting than stage 13 of the "Tour de Cheaters"!

Golf: British Open Championship, second round, at Southport, England, 7 a.m., TNT (live and same-day tape).

Champions Tour, 3M Championship, first round, at Blaine, Minn., 1:30 p.m., The Golf Channel.

LPGA, State Farm Classic, second round, at Springfield, Ill., 2 p.m., ESPN2.

PGA Tour, U.S. Bank Championship, second round, at Milwaukee, 4 p.m., The Golf Channel

Major League Baseball: Chicago Cubs at Houston, 8 p.m., WGN

Motor sports: FIA Formula One World Championship, German Grand Prix, practice, at Hockenheim, 8 a.m., Speed.

ARCA Re/Max Series, Kentucky ARCA 150, at Sparta, Ky., pole qualifying, 4:30 p.m., Speed; race, 8 p.m.

NASCAR Craftsman Truck Series, Built Ford Tough 225, practice, at Sparta, Ky., 6:30 p.m., Speed.

NASCAR Nationwide Series, Missouri-Illinois Dodge Dealers 250,practice, at Madison, Ill., 7 p.m., ESPN2

Soccer: USSF Development Academy Championships, U-18 championship match, at Carson, Calif., 11 p.m., ESPN2

...Jesus, WHEN DOES THE NFL START???!!!!!!

Track and field: IAAF Golden League, Meeting Gaz de France, at Paris, 4 p.m., ESPN2 (same-day tape)

I know these Track and Field bloopers are a hit, so here ya go...

...and she still finished first? How bad did those other B*tches SUCK?

SATURDAY, JULY 19

Beach volleyball: AVP Crocs Tour, Brooklyn Open, men's championship match, at New York, 2:30 p.m., NBC

...Dudes in marble bags, what could be LESS appealing?

Cycling: Tour de France, stage 14, Nimes to Digne-les-Bains, 8:30 a.m., Versus

...I think I just answered my previous question..it's at least a tie!

Extreme sports: AST Dew Tour, Right Guard Open, at Cleveland, 4 p.m., NBC

Golf: British Open Championship, third round, 7 a.m., TNT; 9 a.m., ABC.

LPGA, State Farm Classic, third round, 1 p.m., ESPN2.

Champions Tour, 3M Championship, second round, 1:30 p.m., The Golf Channel.

PGA Tour, U.S. Bank Championship, third round, 4 p.m., The Golf Channel

Horse racing: Virginia Derby and Virginia Oaks, at New Kent, Va., 5 p.m., CBS.

San Diego Handicap and Osunitas Handicap, Del Mar Calif., 7 p.m., ESPN2

...It's so nice to see horse racing giving back to the handicapped

Her "Handy" @ss wouldn't miss it for the world! Look at the Joy on her face!

Major League Baseball: Regional coverage, Boston at Los Angeles Angels, Cleveland at Seattle or San Diego at St. Louis, 3:30 p.m., Fox.

Kansas City at Chicago White Sox, 7 p.m., WGN

Motor sports: FIA Formula One World Championship, German Grand Prix, polequalifying, 8 a.m., Speed.

NASCAR Craftsman Truck Series, Built Ford Tough 225, pole qualifying, 3:30 p.m., Speed; race, 7 p.m.

NASCAR Nationwide Series, Missouri-Illinois Dodge Dealers 250, pole qualifying, 5 p.m., ESPN2; race, 9:30 p.m.

NHRA Powerade Drag Racing Series, Schuck's Auto Supply Nationals, qualifying, at Seattle, 8 p.m., ESPN2 (same-day tape)

Tennis: Sony Ericsson WTA Tour, East West Bank Classic, semifinal, at Palo Alto, Calif., 3 p.m., ESPN2

Some Tennis "Tang" as prelude into F3W...

SUNDAY, JULY 20

Beach volleyball: AVP Crocs Tour, Brooklyn Open, women's championship match, 2:30 p.m., NBC


...this has potential!

Cycling: Tour de France, stage 15, Digne-les-Bains, France to Prato Nevoso, Italy, 7 a.m., Versus

Extreme sports: AST Dew Tour, Right Guard Open, 4 p.m., NBC

Golf: British Open Championship, final round, 6 a.m., TNT; 8 a.m., ABC.

Champions Tour, 3M Championship, final round, 1:30 p.m., The Golf Channel.

LPGA, State Farm Classic, final round, 3 p.m., ESPN2.


He's staring it down! Oh what QUALITY!!!

PGA Tour, U.S. Bank Championship, final round, 4 p.m., The Golf Channel

Major League Baseball: Oakland at New York Yankees, 1 p.m., TBS.

Chicago Cubs at Houston, 2 p.m., WGN.

Boston at Los Angeles Angels, 6 p.m., ESPN

Motor sports: American Le Mans Series, Acura Sports Car Challenge, at Lexington, Ohio, noon, NBC.

FIA Formula One World Championship, German Grand Prix, 1 p.m., Fox.

Hannspree FIM World Superbike, at Brno, Czech Republic, 1 p.m., Speed (same-day tape).

IRL IndyCar Series, Honda Indy 200 at Mid-Ohio, at Lexington, Ohio, 1:30 p.m., ABC.

Grand-Am Rolex Sports Car Series, Porsche 250, at Birmingham, Ala., 3 p.m., Speed.

MotoGP World Championship, Red Bull U.S. Grand Prix, at Salinas, Calif., 5 p.m., CBS.

AMA Superbike Championship, Red Bull U.S. Grand Prix, at Salinas, Calif., 6 p.m., Speed (same-day tape).

NHRA Powerade Drag Racing Series, Schuck's Auto Supply Nationals,final eliminations, 9 p.m., ESPN2 (same-day tape)

...FINAL ELIMINATIONS!!! I'm there dude!

Tennis: ATP Tour, Indianapolis Tennis Championships, championship match, 1 p.m., ESPN2.

Sony Ericsson WTA Tour, East West Bank Classic, championship match, 5 p.m., ESPN2

Enjoy!

-Coop

All-Star Turnaround?

Ok, I always thought the idea of the All Star Game deciding home field advantage in the World Series was idiotic. But then I found myself actually enjoying this year's game.

People were actually trying. There were sacrifice bunts. There were outfield assists. There were exciting plays. Maybe I can buy into this idea after all.

There are still problems with the game, though. If the game is really "going to count", they need to do away with the idea that everyone gets to play. Here's a solution -- have an all-star roster of active players and reserves. The reserves are only used if the game goes into extra innings. Let the starters play longer. In this year's game, the starters played a lot less than the backups, because of the extra innings. This just simply will not do. Especially if the outcome determines the home field advantage, let the starters have more impact on the outcome.

These changes may actually be the winning formula baseball is looking for. I wish MLB was as smart as me.

Papel-BITCH

I liked Jonathan Papelbon a whole lot better when he was just a dominant closer. Lately he's starting to remind me of that other ninth inning NECK that we all laughed at back in the day (John Rocker).

After a bench clearing incident initiated by his center fielder (Coco Cripy's), Papelbon had this to say...

“In my opinion it is a bunch of bull what they did," said Papelbon on the Rays piling on during the fight. "All I got to say is what comes around goes around. Payback is a bitch. In my opinion, and the way I feel right now, this thing isn’t all settled and done. We still got to play them a few more times and I know when we go into Tropicana things will be a little different than when went in there last time.”

...I guess so John...if different here means your team got swept again! Shut up and pitch! Whoops, that's kinda hard to do when your team never had the lead!

Then the New York Daily news quotes Papelbon as saying he thinks he should close the All Star game. John, you do realize that...

A) The All Star game is in Yankee Stadium this year.

B) Mariano Rivera made the American league roster.

C) Yankee stadium is being torn down at the end of the year.

Put that "Deliverance University" education to work before you open your stupid yap son!

Then he proceeds to blast the NY media for creating a firestorm that resulted in his pregnant wife feeling "threatened" during a pre-All Star game parade that went through the heart of Manhattan.

"I feel like I needed to be in a bullet-proof car," Papelbon said. "My wife is pregnant and she's getting her life threatened. It's stupid."

Fans were heard hurling insults like "Papel-bums" at the couple as they rolled down 6th avenue.

"Papel-bums"...life threatening...needing a bullet-proof car? I can definitely see the correlation!

John, here's a couple things for you to consider:

You're a Boston Red Sox player in New York City...you're not exactly a welcome guest!

Please grow some NADS! Papel-bums? Are you serious? The guys in my Fantasy Football league have called me worse and I consider them my friends!!!

If you're concerned about your pregnant wife...leave her at home...after all...she is PREGNANT!

PAP SMEAR...if you want an example of "Life Threatening", why don't you go talk to those folks that got ripped from their cars and beaten with baseball bats in a Boston neighborhood because they had N.Y. plates.

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/baseball/mlb/07/07/beating.yanksfan.ap/index.html?eref=ib_topstories

Slightly worse than "Papel-bums"?

Maybe.

-Coop

Great Play...Bad Decision.

Kenny Perry has to be one of my favorite story's on the PGA Tour. When he's on the tee box addressing the ball, I know where the shot's going before it gets there. Straight at the target with a nice draw (with pretty good distance for a 47 year old...averaging 281 with the big stick).

Kenny just passed "Lefty" for PGA tour wins this year with 3...The Memorial, The Buick Open and now The John Deere Classic. One would think that with "Eldred" on the shelf for the year, Kenny may be in the conversation for the number 1 "active" player in the world.

That is until Kenny announced that he will be foregoing a trip across the pond to play in the British Open at hallowed Royal Birkdale in exchange for sucking down beer and brats at the competition diluted US Bank Championship in Milwaukee.

"I've won there (Milwaukee) before, and I've got 8 top ten finishes there", said Perry.

STELLAR!

Kenny, did it ever occur to you that your enormous success at that event might be attributed to the fact that all the talent in the professional golfing world is at some ancient track in the UK playing for this thing called the Claret Jug?

I don't know.. just a thought!

The British Open isn't the only major that Kenny is snubbing...he didn't play in the Masters or US Open this year either.

In 50 years no one is going to remember, nor will they care who won the 2008 US Bank Championship in Milwaukee. Why should they? Beating a bunch of municipal course teaching pros that got in on a sponsor's exemption isn't exactly the drama that golf fans are interested in.

However adding a Major (at the advanced age of 47) to an already impressive PGA tour career would not only be a great story next week, but one that would be remembered long after your playing days are done.

-Coop

The Green Bay Circus

Before I start this column, I want to thank my boy Derek for an EPIC F3W. I think I speak for all of us when I say...I hope he finds employment soon, but I'll hate to see the hours of scouring the web for "Filth" come to an end! The mere thought of it is bringing Brett to tears!

Now back to the "Cheese Drama".

Am I the only one that saw this coming? One line from that tearful presser on March 6th laid it all out..."I know I can still play". As soon as that phrase was uttered, Aaron Rodgers should have started warming up his "Clipboard grip", cuz it's headsets and Gatorade for you my man!

Memo to the worldwide sports media: Anytime a superstar athlete says "I know I can still play" at their retirement press conference...do yourself a favor...get up, walk out of the room, pencil him into the starting lineup for next season and move on to another story.

No? See Michael Jordan and Mario Lemieux.

So who's to blame here? Well that's hard to say. On the one hand, Favre's been holding that organization hostage for the last 3 or 4 years in what has become a very predictable scene at the end of the year. Brett's sitting in front of his locker at the end of week 17 tears in his eyes telling reporters he needs to talk to his family before making a decision to come back. Then waits until he sees what the team does in the draft and free agency before saying he'll return.

Understandably the Packers have a bad taste in their mouth from being strung along like some toy that Brett will cast aside when it's usefulness has expired!

However, this year's a little different. You're coming off a season where the team was one game away from the Superbowl. That team is still in tact, for now. The NFL window closes quicker than most other professional sports leagues with free agency and injuries contributing to league wide parody almost every year...and the Packers must realize this.

So now the decision must be made...bring back your Hall of Fame quarterback for another shot at the hardware? Or place your championship caliber roster in the unproven hands of Aaron Rodgers? (and NO, two quarters against the Cowboys awful pass defense last year proved NOTHING!!!)

A couple things for Packers GM Ted Thompson to ponder in the coming days...

1. Your resurrected running game with new "Cheese Head Idol" Ryan Grant will be non-existent with Aaron Rodgers under center. Ted, does 9 men in the box mean anything to you?

2. Ted, do you value your health? Bring back Favre as a BACKUP? Are you serious? You can't put enough security in Lambeau to keep the fans from running onto the field and escorting Rodgers to the bench and Favre into the huddle.

3. Trade Favre? I hope you know the NFL schedule for the next three years. Maybe you'll have about 5 teams you could potentially deal with to ensure no run in with "Golden Brett".

4. Release Favre? This is the one I'd love to see happen. Can you imagine? Favre rolls into Lambeau wearing Bears or Vikings gear. Then proceeds to STOMP the Packers with a wide receiving corp that no one has ever heard of.

I know Ted's trying to take a stand here against the bully who's been pushing him around for the last few years. Unfortunately this isn't a fight that the GM's gonna win.

I typically don't believe that any one player is bigger than the team they play for. Kobe isn't bigger than the Lakers, A-Rod isn't bigger than the Yankees. Brett Favre IS bigger than the Packers, unfortunately for Aaron Rodgers and Ted Thompson.

-Coop

F3W, back with a vengance!

One man's misfortune, is another man's gain.

These words could not be more true for today's installment. In my previous post, I mentioned that I am currently unemployed. My misfortune. Your gain, because I have ample time to scour the web in search for the best of the best.

Enjoy, and please.....for the love of all that's good in this world......don't take your job for granted!

Props to Luki00Luki for this one:






Not to be outdone, fascinationvideo delivers this gem:




The ever so ambiguous hotgirlhotstrip is to blame for this filth:






If this one from fotofanCBA doesn't do anything for you, you may want to check to see if you are still breathing:



And the song is a bonus on BlackSad03 's effort:




And, I will leave you with a little "Def" by exrelax :





Derek

No excuses!

I know that this is a sports blog, and that this post will not deal with much in the way of sports.

For that, I apologize.

I want to thank Coop for continuing this blog during my absence. The reason for my absence? I was "let go" from two jobs in one day.

For the past couple of weeks, I have been hitting the job market, and hitting it HARD. The only problem is that nobody is hiring right now, apparently.

It will come as a shock to nobody to know that being a "fictitious sports reporter" is not my full time gig. How I wish it was, but I've got kids to feed.

So, bear with me until I can get my life in order, and please continue to read. Coop has written some fantastic articles, and there are more to come, I'm sure.

I will not upset you all today though. F3W is coming!

And, to all of those out there looking for a job at the moment, I just want to say good luck, and I know what you're going through.

Derek

All Star's...or playing in the right market?

In one of my first rants I told you I'd touch on the joke that is the Major League Baseball "All-Star" game. Since the starting lineups were announced yesterday, it looks like my opportunity to expose this inane event is at hand.

I'm gonna start with a suggestion...take the voting out of the hands of the fans. Is anyone else sick and tired of seeing the American League starting lineup consist of all Red Sox and Yankee players regardless of the kind of year they're having. The same thing goes for the bleacher bums in Wrigley, yes they're having a good year and they have some nice players...but Alfonso Soriano? Did he even step into the batters box the entire month of June?



Here's my list of questionable selections for this year's beauty contest in the Bronx:

First Base American League - Kevin Youkilis...well it's not the most insane selection that you'll see on this list but I do have an argument for the Twins' Justin Morneau. He has played in 6 more games, with 9 more hits and 12 more RBI.

Second Base American League - Dustin Pedroia...this one isn't even close! No doubt Pedroia is a great player on a team that will be playing in late September. However, if this selection is truly about who's having the best year at their position, then Ian Kinsler is the guy...HANDS DOWN!!! He has the edge over the elected Pedroia in hits, runs scored, doubles, triples, HR's, RBI's, stolen bases and walks...oh yeah and he's done all this in 4 fewer at bats. Definitely got it right there MLB!


Ian Kinsler...SCREWED!

Short Stop American League - Derek Jeter...this is 3 million 15 year old girls in the Bronx pounding the vote button on MLB.com over and over and over!!! Listen, his own peers voted him the most OVER RATED PLAYER IN THE MAJORS!!! Miguel Tejada, Michael Young, Orlando Cabrera and Jhonny Peralta are all having better years than "The Captain"...I know the game's played in Yankee stadium this year and they're tearing the place down at the end of the season...still not enough to have Jeter trump 4 other short stops!

Outfield American League - Manny Ramirez and Ichiro Suzuki. I know both these guys can be really productive players...but again, based on this year's numbers, they're barely in the conversation. Grady Sizemore 22 HR's and 20 steals...I don't think anyone's on pace for a 40/40 season besides him. Carl Crawford 98 hits, 61 runs scored, 47 RBI, 22 steals and he missed a couple weeks with a knee injury. How about a pair of sluggers from the White Sox? Carlos Quentin and Jermaine Dye...both with 19 HR's (3 more than Manny).


Grady Sizemore..."The White Barry Bonds"...hold The Juice!

Designated Hitter American League - David "Big Papi" Ortiz...Big Papi's been pullin Big Splinters out of his back side for the better part of June and all of July so far. Maybe we could pick a player that will actually take some cuts at the mid-summer classic? CLASSIC!!! Some possible candidates include Milton Bradley (who will probably get the nod) and his 17 HR's and 54 RBI. Any of the afore mentioned snubs as well as the Orioles Nick Markakis (99 hits, 13 HR's and 47 RBI).

Catcher National League - Geovany Soto...great talent (have him on my fantasy team), but he's a young kid and he'll probably be the starting catcher for the National League for the next 8 to 10 "All Popular" games. There are two guys that are having just as good a year and strike out half as much at the catcher position in the NL: Russell Martin of the Dodgers and Atlanta's Brian McCann. Let Geovany learn some plate discipline, and while he's refining his game send Russ or Brian in his place.


Russell Martin...the second coming of Mike Piazza?

Outfield National League - Alfonso Soriano and Kosuke Fukodome. I've already covered Soriano, but I'll elaborate. He was having a nice year until a fastball shattered his knuckles. While we're on that subject...he's not going to play in the game so why should he even be eligible to be selected??? I heard a scout say this about Fukodome, "He fundamentally does everything well".

....Uhhh, so do most of the golfers on the Nationwide Tour...but that doesn't mean they're going to be contending for major championships on the PGA Tour someday!

There are a long list of guys I would start before these two Cubbies beginning with Matt Holliday (98 hits, 21 doubles, 13 HR's, 49 RBI and 11 steals). He also spent 15 days on the DL.

Carlos Beltran (Mets), Nate McLouth (Pirates), Carlos Lee (Astros), Ryan Ludwick (Cardinals), Corey Hart (Brewers), Jason Bay (Pirates), Pat Burrell (Phillies), Xavier Nady (Pirates), Matt Kemp (Dodgers) and Rick Ankiel (Cardinals) all deserve to be in the conversation before Soriano and Fukodome.


Matt Holliday...STUD...ERRRR...SNUB

Maybe one day Bud Selig will pull his head out of his @$$ and return the mid summer classic to what it was originally intended to be...a game between the best players in the game. Not based on their reputation, but on their ability to play the game for the first half of that given season.

-Coop

Burnin Up The Set (July 4th Edition)...

Happy Birthday America!

Welcome to another edition of Burnin Up The Set.

Sorry so early this week...but I plan on being pool side tomorrow with some cold ones in the cooler and some tasty meats on the grill.

Let's get this party started...

Thursday July 3rd:

Golf - PGA European Tour, European Open, first round, at Kent, England, 10 a.m., The Golf Channel, 10 a.m.

PGA Tour, AT&T National, first round, at Bethesda, Md., 2 p.m., The Golf Channel

Major League Soccer - Houston at Real Salt Lake, 10 p.m., ESPN2

...OK, you guys have to know what I'm thinkin. I've been in this country for 35 + years...and I'm gonna feel really stupid if there's a "Fake Salt Lake" that I didn't know about!!! Leave it to Soccer to completely F*CK up my limited geographical knowledge!

Friday July 4th:

Golf - PGA European Tour, European Open, second round, 10 a.m., The Golf Channel.

Champions Tour, Dick's Sporting Goods Open, first round, at Endicott, N.Y., 1 p.m., The Golf Channel.

PGA Tour, AT&T National, second round, 3 p.m., The Golf Channel

MLB - Chicago Cubs at St. Louis, 8:05 p.m., WGN

Motor Sports - FIA Formula One World Championship, Santander British Grand Prix, practice, at Silverstone, England, 8 a.m., Speed.

NASCAR Nationwide Series, Winn-Dixie 250, pole qualifying, 1 p.m., ESPN2; race, 8 p.m.

NASCAR Sprint Cup, Coke Zero 400, pole qualifying, 4 p.m., Speed

Swimming - U.S. Olympic Trials,at Omaha, 8 p.m., NBC...how come the chick's that do the "Breast Stroke" never have any BREASTS? I'm just curious!

I'm not gay or anything...but I'd sleep with that dude!

Tennis - Wimbledon Championships, men's singles semifinal, 7 a.m., ESPN2 (live); men's singles and doubles semifinals, noon, NBC (live and same-day tape)

...A memo to the lawn service folks at wimbledon: when your court turns brown...water can make it green again, just in case you missed that in grass court maintenance school.

Saturday July 5th:

Arean Football - Divisional playoffs, Colorado at San Jose, 3 p.m., ESPN; New York at Philadelphia, 7 p.m., ESPN

Beach Volleyball - AVP Crocs SlamBoulder, men's championship match, at Boulder, Colo., 3 p.m., NBC

Boxing - Junior welterweights, champion Ricardo Torres vs. Kendall Holt, for WBO title, at Las Vegas, 11 p.m., Showtime

Cycling - Tour de France, stage 1, Brest to Plumelec, 8:30 a.m., Versus

Wow Versus...pushing the envelope of quality sports programming AGAIN!!! At least show these CHEATERS shooting up before they get on their "HUFFY's"...will ya?

Golf - PGA European Tour, European Open, third round, 10 a.m., The Golf Channel (same-day tape).

Champions Tour, Dick's Sporting Goods Open, second round, 1 p.m., The Golf Channel.

LPGA, P&G Beauty NW Arkansas Championship, third round, at Rogers, Ark., 1:30 p.m., CBS. (Beauty and Arkansas...do these two words belong in the same sentence?)

Gulbis = Beauty

Arkansas!

PGA Tour, AT&T National, third round, 3 p.m., CBS

Horse Racing - United Nations and Salvator Mile Stakes,at Oceanport, N.J., 6 p.m., ESPN2 (If someone can name me one horse in this race you'll win a prize from yours truly)

MLB - Regional coverage, Boston at New York Yankees or Chicago Cubs at St. Louis, 3:30 p.m., Fox

Motor Sports - FIA Formula One World Championship, Santander British Grand Prix, pole qualifying, 8 a.m., Speed.

NASCAR Sprint Cup, Coke Zero 400, 8 p.m., TNT

Swimming - U.S. Olympic Trials,at Omaha, 8 p.m., NBC

Tennis - Wimbledon Championships, women's singles championship; men's and women's doubles championships, 9 a.m., NBC

Track and Field - U.S. Olympic Trials, at Eugene, Ore., 5 p.m., NBC

...you may want to tune in, you never know when you'll see something like this...

You just got knocked the F*CK out!

Sunday July 6th:

Arena Football - Divisional playoffs, Grand Rapids at Chicago, 3 p.m., ESPN

Beach Volleyball - AVP Crocs Slam Boulder, women's championship match, 4:30 p.m., NBC

Cycling - Tour de NEEDLES...ERRRRRR...France, stage 2, Auray to Saint-Brieuc, 8:30 a.m., Versus

Golf - PGA European Tour, European Open, final round, 10 a.m., The Golf Channel (same-day tape).

LPGA, P&G Beauty NW Arkansas Championship, final round, 1 p.m., CBS.

Champions Tour, Dick's Sporting Goods Open, final round, 1 p.m., The Golf Channel.

PGA Tour, AT&T National, final round, 3 p.m., CBS

MLB - All-Star Game Selection Show, at Atlanta, 2 p.m., TBS.

Oakland at Chicago White Sox, 2 p.m., WGN.

Chicago Cubs at St. Louis, 3 p.m., TBS.

Boston at New York Yankees, 8 p.m., ESPN

Motor Sports - FIA Formula One World Championship, Santander British Grand Prix,1 p.m., Fox (same-day tape).

IRL IndyCar Series, Camping World Grand Prix at The Glen, at Watkins Glen, N.Y., 3:30 p.m., ABC

Swimming - U.S. Olympic Trials, 7 p.m., NBC

Tennis - Wimbledon Championships, men's singles championship and mixed doubles championship, 9 a.m., NBC

Track and Field - U.S. Olympic Trials, 7 p.m., NBC

...you may also see something like this...

Track and Field ROCKS!

WNBA - San Antonio at Washington, 1 p.m., ABC...one of my insider informants tells me that San Antonio's been working on an ally-oop layup...it should be BAD @$$!!!

-Coop

Lightning...or just blowing smoke?

Say it aint so!!! Melrose??? Here's a story of how an ownership change can take a franchise from bad to UNBELIEVABLY AWFUL!!!

Yes, the Tampa Bay Lightning and their new ownership group, headed by horror movie mogul Oren Koules, have officially ruined an already bottomed out franchise.

They've hired "The Mullet"...Barry Melrose. The only problem is...he doesn't even have the mullet anymore, which coincidentally was his only redeeming quality!!!

Umm Oren, this isn't some slasher flick that you can script to end the way you want it to. The freak on the tricycle in "SAW" isn't gonna roll out on the ice to make opposing players hack their limbs off!

DUMB @$$!

So, let's recap what Oren has done since taking over:

1. Fire John Tortorella, the coach that led the Lightening to their only Stanley Cup Championship in 2004.

Interesting! What's wrong Oren...was his hair not long enough?

2. Hire Barry Melrose...typically that would be enough said, but I'll lay it out for anyone who doesn't watch hockey.

Barry's last time behind an NHL bench was 1995. His only coaching experience was 2 1/2 years with the L.A. Kings where he compiled a career record of 82-103-31...(Impressive!).

His claim to fame was leading the 94 Kings to the Stanley Cup finals where they lost to the Montreal Canadiens...Oh I almost forgot, this guy named Wayne Gretzky played on that King's team...I think he was kind of a good player...maybe he had a small part in their success...but I'm not really sure!

Lastly, Barry has been watching....ERRRRRR, "Analyzing" hockey highlights on ESPN for the last 12 years.

Memo to all "Analysts" at ESPN: You are now qualified to be a head coach in the professional sports league that you cover. Watch for Tom Jackson to take the next available NFL job!

I will say this for Koules, he has realized that he needs to mask Melrose's "Coaching Deficiencies" by signing every high priced free agent he can find this off-season. Only problem is, he hasn't addressed their greatest area of need...GOAL TENDING! From here on the Lightning will be known as the "NY Rangers of the South", all talent...NO WINS!

Unfortunate Tampa, you thought you suffered last year...just wait. All we can hope for is maybe Melrose will grow the "Kentucky Mud Flap" back again...at least that would be entertaining to watch!

-Coop