Lightning...or just blowing smoke?

Say it aint so!!! Melrose??? Here's a story of how an ownership change can take a franchise from bad to UNBELIEVABLY AWFUL!!!

Yes, the Tampa Bay Lightning and their new ownership group, headed by horror movie mogul Oren Koules, have officially ruined an already bottomed out franchise.

They've hired "The Mullet"...Barry Melrose. The only problem is...he doesn't even have the mullet anymore, which coincidentally was his only redeeming quality!!!

Umm Oren, this isn't some slasher flick that you can script to end the way you want it to. The freak on the tricycle in "SAW" isn't gonna roll out on the ice to make opposing players hack their limbs off!

DUMB @$$!

So, let's recap what Oren has done since taking over:

1. Fire John Tortorella, the coach that led the Lightening to their only Stanley Cup Championship in 2004.

Interesting! What's wrong Oren...was his hair not long enough?

2. Hire Barry Melrose...typically that would be enough said, but I'll lay it out for anyone who doesn't watch hockey.

Barry's last time behind an NHL bench was 1995. His only coaching experience was 2 1/2 years with the L.A. Kings where he compiled a career record of 82-103-31...(Impressive!).

His claim to fame was leading the 94 Kings to the Stanley Cup finals where they lost to the Montreal Canadiens...Oh I almost forgot, this guy named Wayne Gretzky played on that King's team...I think he was kind of a good player...maybe he had a small part in their success...but I'm not really sure!

Lastly, Barry has been watching....ERRRRRR, "Analyzing" hockey highlights on ESPN for the last 12 years.

Memo to all "Analysts" at ESPN: You are now qualified to be a head coach in the professional sports league that you cover. Watch for Tom Jackson to take the next available NFL job!

I will say this for Koules, he has realized that he needs to mask Melrose's "Coaching Deficiencies" by signing every high priced free agent he can find this off-season. Only problem is, he hasn't addressed their greatest area of need...GOAL TENDING! From here on the Lightning will be known as the "NY Rangers of the South", all talent...NO WINS!

Unfortunate Tampa, you thought you suffered last year...just wait. All we can hope for is maybe Melrose will grow the "Kentucky Mud Flap" back again...at least that would be entertaining to watch!

-Coop